The 5 Best Signs You’re The Toxic One In Your Social Relationships

One thing being locked inside during the pandemic forced us to do was face ourselves. But while some may have actually looked in the mirror and realized they need to do better, others avoided that confrontation at all costs. This means friends and/or family probably felt the brunt of it. 

 

Here we are a year later where audacity makes masks seem optional, states are lifting social distancing mandates and the vaccine got people feeling invincible against “Rona.” The streets are calling your name! You have outfits lined up to attend day parties and plan to catch a flight every other month.  

 

Now rightfully, people are excited to get out and that’s normal. But some of you are doing it to mask pain. Staying busy is a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with your problems. You may have gotten toxic people out of your life as a New Year’s Resolution, but failed to realize that you are the toxic person that needs addressing.  

 

Self-criticism is hard and serious self-improvement is far from the type of fun you had planned. But you can’t truly move forward in life if the source of all your issues is you. If you find yourself abandoning family and constantly finding new friend’s, chances are you’re the one that needs to shape up. 

 

If you’re open to a hardcore self-examination, here are five signs you may need to take a deeper dive into you. 

 

Signs that you are the problem

 

You Always Rehash Conversations 

 

It’s normal to go back over something in your mind at times. Especially if you are learning from what you could’ve done better. But if you always need to pick it apart an incident between you and someone else, you are really just creating a problem for selfish reasons.  

 

It is completely self-serving to reopen past conversations so that you can say something you wish you would’ve said. So, unless you are apologizing, leave it alone.

 

 

Everything That Happens To You Is Someone Else’s Fault 

 

Now seriously, I don’t care how toxic you are, you literally believe nothing is your fault? Surely you can’t justify that, and it’s even worse if you try to. An obvious clue you are the problem is when you externalize responsibility to the most convenient person you can find to put it on.  

 

Continue this behavior if you so choose. Just know that you will alienate those you love when you do, it’s a package deal sis!

 

You Always Have Drama In Your Life 

 

If you have the same issue popping up repeatedly but it’s with different people, it’s you not them. Whether it’s a friend, family member or coworker, for some reason your relationships with others always have some type of tension in them. And it’s not because everyone is jealous of you.  

 

It’s not ok to take your internal issues out on other people. You need to find you, and find a hobby because I guarantee you the few people that will be your listening ear, are tired as well. Helping someone with the same story but on a different day gets old, quick.

 

You Are Always Talking Behind People’s Back 

 

If you are having conversations behind someone’s back that you can’t also have to their face, you are a gossiper. And gossiping is juvenile. Not every issue requires a confrontation true enough. But if you are willing to discuss problems directly with the person involved, it shows that you are indeed a mature adult. 

 

If you avoid conflict altogether, this is not advisable either. Hashing out problems in a healthy way and owning fault is how relationships flourish.

 

 

 

You Have Acquaintances But No Real Friends

 

Something is keeping people from wanting to get close to you if have lots of acquaintances but no real friends. And I’m not talking about being an introvert here. No matter who you are, you have real friends who will tell you about yourself when you need to be told.

 

They also will be there for you as you traverse the waters of being a better you. So, if the people you consider to be “your girls” haven’t told you a hard truth, they aren’t truly your friends. They are just tolerating you. Or, they are over you.

 

The “something” keeping people from getting close to you is you. No one wants to have a social relationship with a person who seems like they are more trouble than they are worth off the jump. 

 

Now while this list isn’t all-inclusive and doesn’t begin to tap into issues like narcissism, it is a great start. If you are open to seeing yourself for who you really are, this is your path to self-correction. We all have been guilty of behaviors that sabotage relationships but when it becomes a habit, it becomes a problem.  

 

People shouldn’t feel like they are enduring you. So take a step back and observe yourself the next time you are in a familiar pattern of disarray. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it. And that’s the only way we know how to do it of course, the civil way. 

 

Candace Blair's byline

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