How To Protect Your Peace with Family While Being Single For The Holidays
Why Being Single for the Holidays Is Not A Bad Thing
Well, Civilians, it’s that time of the year again. Time for the invasive question about your relationship status to rear its ugly head. “Why are you still single?” Whether you are enjoying your loved ones in person or virtually, consider some of these tips to protect your peace. When the fam starts to go in on you about being single for the holidays, you can set healthy boundaries with them in areas of your life that are really none of their business.
First off, let’s start by acknowledging the power of being single. It has a negative stigma attached to it and it’s time to change the narrative. Being in a relationship has been so normalized that people don’t realize other healthy lifestyles exist and bring just as much, if not more, joy to our worlds.
Singledom gives you the freedom to learn, grow, and explore not only yourself but the world guilty free. Jumping into a relationship as fast as possible is old school. Being single allows you to get to know your authentic self, first.
We now have the luxury of identifying who we are by addressing our downfalls, insecurities, and triggers. During this time we’re also given the opportunity to understand what our love language is before we find that special someone. This is beneficial in eliminating those unwanted headaches that occur in self-discovery while in a relationship.
Unfortunately, people tend not to take ownership of their contributions to the dismantlement of a partnership. Many times we’re too busy pointing fingers in opposite directions avoiding the source of the actual issue.
Trust sis, finding out a year later you need someone to feed your soul beyond just physical attraction is much harder to walk away from than knowing upfront what you require. The goal is to have fewer regrets and more wins!
So with all that empowerment under your belt about why being single is freaking awesome, here are a few responses to give the next time someone tries to diminish your life as an individual while being single for the holidays.
Responses for “Why are you still single?”
“I’m enjoying this time to learn more about myself and becoming whole.”
Parents usually don’t understand the magnitude of how they raise us dramatically affect our adult years. To the point that it can be detrimental to relationships. They mean well, but their unaddressed traumas do get passed down to us. It’s important for them to know that we may need time to go to therapy and uncover generational curses before dropping that baggage onto someone else.
Recognizing this can be a huge step in the right direction to finding your lifelong partner the first time.
“I’m focusing on my career.”
If you have a dream job that is very demanding, don’t bring a whole family into that. In an article where people reflect on their top regrets in life, working too much and not valuing time with family were among them. Not living their dreams and listening to the expectations of others are huge regrets too.
So, go hard in your career aspirations while you are young and single then jump into the intricacies that are marriage and family when you really have time to devote to it. After all, the hustle years are behind you. You don’t want to regret not pursuing your passions or not putting your all into your family. It’s ok if being in a relationship is not on your radar at the moment and living life your way is.
“Being single is fun!”
There are so many people who are afraid to create the life they want. If you are bold enough to enjoy the time you have the way you desire without having to worry about anyone else, do it!
Not enough people are willing to go against societal norms and make being single a priority while embracing the experience. So go ahead, travel the world freely, build that business from the ground up, or training for that marathon.
Put them in the hot seat and ask, “Why are you married?”
It’s easy to make others feel a way about being single. But how many people do we know that are truly happy with their partner? Being in a relationship is hard. So flip the script on that one relative who won’t leave you alone about your solitude. Ask them to explain, with all due respect, why is being in a relationship/marriage so great? The truth may cause them to tell you to think twice.
“Let’s ask Siri!”
If you want to approach the question from a comical standpoint, ask Siri why you are still single. The virtual assistant on your iPhone, if you have one. If not, someone in the house surely does. Siri could bring some much-needed comedy to the whole being single for the holidays situation with its programmed responses.
“I’m in no rush”
If you’ve been in a long-term relationship before, you can appreciate taking your time to get into another one. And there’s nothing wrong with asking people to respect that.
Don’t underestimate the time you have to do what you want, when you want, or how you want. And let go of the idea that having a partner completes you. If you need someone to make you whole, you don’t need anyone until you no longer feel this way. You have to be a fully secure individual all on your own before someone else can add to that.
Using Your Me Time Wisely
Now with those tips in mind, let’s be real here. These aren’t just a way to get out of an awkward conversation. These are steps to helping you thrive. There’s a difference between idly being single while expecting the man of your dreams to fall in your lap and actively being single while addressing yourself as you prepare for him.
Understand that seeking a little therapy doesn’t require you to have a traumatic childhood. We all have baggage we need to unpack. If you want to spend less time dating and get to your happily ever after faster, use this freedom to find yourself.
Think about it, if you can’t deal with you, how do you expect someone else to be able to? Tracee Ellis Ross, in her interview with Oprah, both dropped some gems on singleness every woman can agree on.
“Meeting yourself where you are is the fastest way to get where you want to go,” said Tracee. So get to it sis. And if you feel like you are ready to step out of being single for the holidays, check out this article on virtual dating during Covid for a safe way to see who’s out there during cuffing season.
You might just teach the old heads a thing or two about their relationship woes while you’re at it. As you go into your next family gathering, remind yourself that they mean well. Prepare your mind for “the question” to be asked and arm yourself with some of these responses. That way you can leave with the same peace you walked in with. Because you know, we do all things only one way, the civil way.