Civil’s Look of the Day: Kenzo Comfort
Living in the “Big Apple,” I am constantly ripping and running. While heels are fun, sexy and flirty, the truth is, when one has multiple errands to do, shoes or heels may not be the best option in this concrete jungle. Today’s look of the day, Kenzo Comfort, illustrates how one can be stylish and comfortable all at once. Yes, ladies you do not need heels to be stylish! The look of the day features a Kenzo printed t-shirt paired with a comfortable pair of joggers. To give the look a more chic feel, I opted to add a black short blazer. The look was completed with a pair of white Isabel Marant sneakers.
Miracle McKinney
It was almost a year ago today, the heroine that once took care of everyone in her universe could no longer carry the weight of world, finally buckled to her knees. Take a walk in my shoes. Live my experience of how I reverse engineered the person I thought knew, to the person I am now and want to become. I had reached a point where I call, ‘The Abyss of Depression’. A state of double consciousness where I was torn; I am a strong black woman, highly independent and multi-talented, but at the same time I am fragile, delicate and overwhelmed. There’s a quote that says, “you can’t win the race, your problems will always catch up”. I had been running from all the pain held deep inside. I convinced myself that I was this superhuman woman who could magically absorb problems without dealing with them, and hide it in a realm never to be found again. I thought by ignoring painful experiences I was empowered, but in reality it was only a mask. What was going on in my life? How had I reached this point?
You see, I am a child of a deadbeat father and a mother who struggles from a drug addiction and mental disorder. However, I am not a product of my environment. I had the blessing of being raised by my grandmother from birth. She encouraged me to be ambitious, creative, and travel the world –key values I still live by today. From elementary through high school I learned to play the violin, participate in leadership activities, and even travelled to Brazil for missionary work. My grandmother made sure I never limited my opportunities due to not having enough money. She managed to help me apply for scholarships, grants and teach me to shop frugal in order to follow my dreams, all while surviving with an income less than 17K a year. By the time I entered college at Morgan State University in Baltimore, Maryland I thought I had all the tools that were necessary to succeed in life. I was able to get a few grants, loans and I started working sales at a well paying company. It was in 2010, my sophomore year in college where my life completely changed. My grandmother had an incapacitating stroke. I was faced with the sole responsibility of taking possession of her belongings, placing her in a nursing home and making sure she had proper care. I felt alone, abandoned and angry. There were times I asked close family and friends for help, even my own uncle refused to help his own mother. All I received were broken promises. For here I was just 20 years old, with no family to share responsibility, or give me sound advice. My world had completely changed. I spent the next four years trying to mend my relationship with my mother who had been living in a homeless shelter. I decided to let her sleep on my couch while I balanced going to school, and work for the two of us while still managing my grandmother. Now 2014, I felt the toll and stress of being responsible for my family. In January, I lost my job and my mother began using drugs again. I had changed majors twice, and maxed out on student loans. It seemed like every time I was one step closer to graduation, the school had one more class, fee or requirement that would stop me. With only a few classes left to graduate, no income or eligible scholarships, I had no other choice but to leave school until I had the money. On the outside everything seemed like I had it all together, but on the inside I was struggling and no one knew the things I was going through.
One day in this dark hollow place that I was in mentally, a spark ignited within me. Music was the only thing I still had that pushed me to work hard and share something with the world. Despite all the negative things that have happened in my life, I’ve always had the right formula to use my music to put myself in the perfect place, time and social circles to become successful. Trusting my intuition, I decided to expand my opportunities in Los Angeles and take time to work on myself. I walked away from it all and stripped myself clean of everything that made me comfortable. I realized that the only way I could truly become empowered is to first accept who I am and where I am in life. I had to accept that I am a human being, I am not perfect, accept that I need help sometimes, accept that I cannot control everything that happens in my life. I wish I could tell you that my story from here only has a happy ending and all my stressors have disappeared, but that’s not how life works. There will always be ups and downs; it’s just a matter of how you deal with it.
With my new mindset in hand, January 2016 I enrolled at West Los Angeles College to complete my few remaining credits for graduation. Any chance I had I worked violin gigs, Postmates delivery and any other jobs that would help me get the money for class. The same week I also received a phone call that my mom and sixteen year old brother had became homeless due to irreconcilable differences with family. I thought momentarily, “it never fails, right when I’m in progress working on me and my goals for once, something has to tear it down”. This wasn’t true and this thought quickly faded. I was stronger than ever and I know exactly where to place my boundaries are before I become overwhelmed. Already financially strained, I decided to take in my mother and also become my brother’s legal guardian. With only a one-bedroom apartment and small part time job I have managed to support two additional people and still attend school. I have successfully completed courses during the spring and was even able to grain credit studying abroad in Spain this summer.
Fall 2016 will be my last semester towards receiving my Bachelors degree in Strategic Communication. In a perfect world after receiving my diploma, I would like to create a music program based here in Los Angeles to help African American youth. Live instrumentation is a dying art form that could truly help children succeed academically, but also provides unsurpassed opportunities for their future. I also have started my own production company, Miraculous Productions LLC using my own skills in music and video production. I aim to continue to use my company to uplift, enlighten and highlight people of the African diaspora who are disproportionately underrepresented in the entertainment industry. Selecting me as your winner would make my final semester a lot easier and finally have the help I need to focus on my aspirations in life. Any resources you have to offer would help me reach my goals. Completion is not a matter how, but when.
My story is one that I have not shared with many, and having a chance to write what I’ve gone through and share it with the world has helped me walk in my truth. Thank you Karen Civil, the Live Civil team and any participating sponsors for making this opportunity possible.
Miracle (my real name) McKinney