If your a part of the congregation of women who haven’t entered the twenty-first century and are not a football enthusiast, your happy relationship with your significant other could be in impending doom come come Thursday Night. The Baltimore Ravens play the Denver Broncos, which means football is back! The summer months filled with trips to the beach, music festivals and barbecues will now be replaced by angry screams, trash talking and drunken Sundays. If you want to make it through football season still “wifed-up” I suggest you follow these key rules.
1. DON’T Root Against Your Man’s Team
It’s not cute, it’s not funny, men won’t laugh. If your not for your man’s said team, your against it and you will be treated like the enemy. Us men take our fandom very seriously and that moment when our Quarterback throws that crucial pick to lose the game (cue in Tony Romo, Mark Sanchez, Jay Cutler, Phillip Rivers…) the last thing we want to hear from our woman is
Ahahahahahahaha [insert your man’s favorite team here] sucks!
That will cause us men to say something we won’t regret for at least two full days.
2. On Sunday, you come second to football
I know it’s a terrible thing to say, but the women in our lives just have to accept that they come second to football on Sunday. No we don’t want to go to the park, no we don’t want to go get something to that new Cuban restaurant up the street and no we’re not trying to visit your sister and the new baby. All we want to do is sit in front of the TV and watch football, ALL DAY.
3.When Your Man’s Team Loses…Give Him Time To Grieve
One of the most painful experiences a man will ever go through is watching his team lose a football match. There are only sixteen games is a season, each loss can be a crushing blow to our Super Bowl aspirations. We don’t want to “talk about it” when our teams loses, just give us space to sit there and sulk. We already have to find a way to avoid ESPN for a full week since they will talk about nothing else but our team losing till next Sunday.
4. Don’t Invite Your Girlfriends Over Who Know Nothing About Football On Game Day
Nothing is more annoying than that one slow girl who calls a touchdown a “home run” the entire football game. Men want to talk rosters, stats and fantasy football, we don’t have time explaining to your bestie why Tom Brady is better than Tim Tebow.
5. There is NO Changing The Channel, Unless It’s To Another Football Game
We’re not going to play that “can we watch ‘The New Girl’ when football is on commercial”
game. All men want to do is watch football uninterrupted, changing the channel messes up our chi, don’t bother asking or be prepared to get this face.
6.If Your Going To Cook, Cook Man Food Only
No brussels sprouts and spinach dip when your man is inviting the homies over. You’re going to have to put your health kick aside on Sunday and prepare boat loads of chicken wings, burgers and pork galore. Also, the preferred drink of choice is Beer, plenty and plenty of beer.
7. Act Like You’ve Been There Before, Enjoy The Festivities With Your Man On Game Day
When you spend the day with your man on Sunday, make him a plate, toss back a frew brews, (yes, I meant frew), that’s a way of telling that dude “you love him”. Men love their women, we don’t want to banish you away till the games are over, be a part of the fun. ENJOY YOURSELF!
8. Don’t Take Offense If We Don’t Want To Talk About Anything Other Than Football
Honestly, all of your issues can wait. We don’t really care about how big of a skank Nancy is, not on Sunday. Don’t waste your time telling us important information that day either, most likely it’s going to go in one ear and out the other.
9. If You’re A Fan Of A Rival Team, Be Prepared For War All Season
It gets serious out in these streets when two people who date are fans of rival NFL teams. Expect broken dishes, smashed tables and the most profane language you’ll ever hear in your life when those two teams square up to play. Wouldn’t want to live in a home with a Ravens and a Steelers fans…yikes!
10. Monday Night Football & Thursday Night Football Are Just As Important As Football Sunday
Ladies, don’t tell your man
You watched football all day yesterday, do you have to watch it again on Monday?