Tag Archives relationships

Here’s One Web Series You Should Be Watching: ‘Young Black Love Series’

24 YEAR OLD BRITTANY NICHOLSON

Is a recent graduate of Virginia Commonwealth University. She’s a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated, multimedia personality, and content creator. “I currently run my own brand, Naturally BNicki. It consists of my own YouTube channel, entertainment news website and original content.”

Nicholson’s latest project ‘Young Black Love Series’ explores healthy relationships from the millennial perspective. It features a variety of couples offering a unique outlook on love and life. Brittany says “the ultimate goal of this project is to provide much needed, positive representation and hope that healthy, black love still exists.”

If you are a young, black couple interested in being featured on the YBL Series, please contact Brittany Nicholson at youngblackloveseries@gmail.com. New YBL Series episodes air each February!

Interested in watching the first episode? Click the link below.

STAYING CONNECTED

Stay up to date with the YBL Series by subscribing here.  Follow YBL’s official instagram for exclusive content and updates here. Connect with Brittany Nicholson on Instagram and Twitter . 

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt1HBFrnMrx/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Laverne Cox Becomes The First Trans Women To Cover Cosmo

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Laverne Cox has been talking the talk and walking the walk for years. In 2014, Cox became the first openly transgender person to be nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award in an acting category for her role as Sophia Burset in Orange Is the New Black. She then went on to becoming the first openly transgender woman to win a Daytime Emmy as an Executive Producer of the documentary The T Word. Fast forward to today and Cox is making history once again as the first openly trans women to ever cover Cosmopolitan magazine! Yas!

Cox is featured on the valentines day February issue “Say Yes To Love” edition of Cosmopolitan South Africa. This issue focused on the LGBTQI+ community and love of self-others, and non-binary relationships.

The OITNB star is featured on the February “Say Yes to Love” edition of Cosmopolitan South Africa, Valentine’s issue focused on the LGBTQI+ community and love of “self, others, and non-binary relationships,” said the mag’s Editor-in-Chief Holly Meadows.

“Trans women deserve to be loved out in the open and in the light.” – Laverne Cox via Cosmo

#TransIsBeautiful spread the word.

Dear Millennials, Don’t Let Reality TV Love Dictate Your Relationships

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Turn on the TV and what do you see? Most likely a reality show with women fighting over a man or a man playing two women. Because this is so common, it’s almost considered more normal than seeing a healthy relationship, which is why modern day relationships tend to suffer so badly.

Many people won’t admit it, but reality TV plays a big part in how we deal with certain situations. We see an event we can relate to, watch it transpire, and assume that is the proper way to handle things. Little do we realize, the majority of the action on TV is merely staged by show producers for ratings! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the secret is out. Reality television is not reality.

So when we watch a couple have a fight, follow through with some mean words on social media, then all of sudden be back together after the season airs, it most likely wasn’t as genuine as we’d hope. It’s  fictional.

Let’s put it like this. In Snow White, the princess couldn’t wake up without a kiss from her prince charming. If today’s society believed in fairy tales as much as they do reality TV, one may interpret that as “I’m not going to live my life or be happy until I find the man of my dreams.” Sounds silly to base life on a fictional character, right? So why base it on a fictional situation influenced by drama just to bring in an audience?

Smashing up an ex’s car windows or glorifying a man’s infidelity  might look appealing on TV, but that’s because they don’t show the real life effects that follow. That is where the problem lies. Watching a world full of no repercussions can mislead a person into thinking settling issues that way is the way to go. People won’t understand how wrong it really is until they’re the ones facing a judge in court, or worse.

So what’s the lesson we have to keep in mind when watching our guilty pleasures? Remember the difference between you and them: It’s not the money, fancy cars, or big houses. It’s that you can’t yell, “cut!” and redo a scene in real life.

 

 

5 Best New Year Resolutions to Start 2016 Right

By Posted on 1 3 m read

It’s a new year and new you, right? So let’s make it a personal mission to make 2016 even better than 2015.

The whole point of new year resolutions is to give you an idea of what accomplishments you want to make that will better your growth. For some people, it’s easy to know what they want to focus on. For others, it’s a bit more difficult. We always hear general ides, like “grind more,” or “be a better person,” but what does that really mean? How do you go about it? We’ll LC is here to give a couple pointers.

Here’s a list of some resolutions that anyone can execute to make sure this year is a success.

1. Better health- Your body is your temple and you should treat it as such. Taking care of your health is one of the most important goals anyone should focus on whether it’s a new year, or not. It doesn’t have to be a dramatic change in diet, but something significant. Taking the stairs instead of the elevator is simple and effective. Replace your regular sweet indulgences of ice cream and candy with healthier choices (yogurt, nuts, cranberries, and fruits). They taste yummy and just as filling.

2. Upgrade wardrobe- Though it depends on personal style, upgrading your wardrobe can make you feel brand new. It goes hand in hand with the old saying, “When you look better, you feel better.” You don’t have to pay a million bucks, to look like it, either. Visit some consignment shops in your area to see what pieces they might have. These shops are sometimes better than other options because they often carry second hand name brand, high quality clothes for more reasonable price. But if thrifting isn’t your thing, don’t be ashamed to explore the sale sections of your favorite stores. They might carry the off season stuff, but it’s at a reduced price for you to rock when it comes back around.

3. More money- Right about now is the perfect transition into a humungous topic that’s on everyone’s mind. Money, money, money. Everyone wants more and while’s it’s impossible to snap our fingers and get it for the majority, maintaining what you do have is key. It’s all about budgeting. Focus more on the need and less on the want. You want new shoes, but you need to pay your phone bill. You want to take a trip with your friends, but you need to pay Sallie Mae. The more you focus on taking care of your priorities, the more you will see your money add up to the point where you can afford to splurge A LITTLE on the new Yeezy’s. Just find your balance and the rest will fall into place.

4. Health relationships- Everyone wants love. Whether it’s from a spouse or neighbor, it’s appreciated. However, remember you are the company you keep. 2016 is suppose to be about change. It could be a boy/girlfriend, an everyday acquaintance, or just a nosey co-worker. If you surround yourself with the same negative energy from 2015, what do you think is going to change this year? This is the time to recognize the health relationships you have and maintaining those, while you take note of the unproductive ones that are holding you back.

5. Clean house- The phrase, “A cluttered house is a cluttered mind” could not be more accurate. It’s a scientific fact that looking around at a messy environment can bring down energy levels and increase frustration. There’s enough to worry about in everyday life. Why make something simple like a messy house one? It can be the garage you’ve been meaning to organize for the last month or even your dorm room. Your house is your sanctuary away from the chaos of the outside world.  Take the time to clean it regularly and you will feel the stress lift from your shoulders.

Those are just a couple ideas to get the ball rolling. Apply those, make your own, whatever! As long as you do what you need to do to make sure you come out on top in the new year.

[Watch] From The Archives: Michelle Obama Gives Relationship Advice

As we near the notorious cuffing season, be prepared to see an influx of relationship based posts to give you just the tools you need to lock down your winter (or lifetime!) boo. That being said, we decided to go into the archives and pull out an interview from 2009 of Katie Couric and FLOTUS Michelle Obama discussing relationships, dating and just how Shelly O. nabbed who would soon become the most powerful man in the world.

In the video below Michelle warns against letting “cuteness” be your main focus.

 Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul. Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women. How he acts with children he doesn’t know.

Sound advice from someone who definitely has an admirable relationship. Check out the video below and let us know not only what works for you but what DOESN’T work, because we all know failure is the best teacher…or so they say!


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New Documentary “In Search of the Black Knight” Takes a Light-Hearted Look at Black Relationships @BlackKnightDoc

By Posted on 58 2 m read

Dating and relationships within the Black community have become an increasingly hot button issue within recent years. With Tyler Perry exploiting/exploring just about every dynamic within the culture of the Black family, to Steve Harvey’s best-seller and box office smash Think Like A Man, the coverage seems to be never-ending. With his new documentary, filmmaker Tamarat Makonnen takes a new, light-hearted but necessary approach to analyzing how African-American men and women are interacting with each other in 2013.poster_web

In the trailer which you can view below, the FIRST question asked is how long a woman should wait for a man to commit, and the answer given was….*drum roll*….seven years. Completely outlandish, and I’m sure an explanation will follow in the full-length movie, however this immediately grabbed our attention. The trailer then goes on to interview various women and what exactly they’re looking for in a man but does so in a way that shows the varied, and often times, conflicting sets of qualities that are women see as commodities. But it doesn’t stop there! Where the trailer wins at keeping my attention is how it alludes to looking at the underlying causes behind the current state of affairs with Black dating, and addresses topics such as the disproportionate numbers of Black women versus Black men enrolled in institutes for higher education; then goes even further by addressing the commonality of families being matriarchal as opposed to patriarchal and how that feeds a lot of what we see today in our adult life. In Search of the Black Knight is described as combining professional advice, street interviews and sketch comedy; this humorous and thought-provoking film will have you rethinking what you assumed about the opposite sex. For more info check their webpage here and there Facebook page where you can see where In Search of the Black Knight will be playing near you.

Reality Bites! Porsha & Kordell Stewart File For Divorce

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Contrary to how things appear on television, things are not all unicorn and rainbows for Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Porsha Stewart and her husband Kordell. I stopped watching the show a few episodes ago but many complained that Kordell was controlling of Porsha and that Porsha was very naive and lacked maturity. Could this be the reason the couple is heading down splitsville?

 

Via TMZ

According to Fulton County Superior Court in Georgia, the 40-year-old NFL alum — who went by the nickname “Slash” during his playing days — filed for divorce on March 22.

Stewart and Williams were married on May 21, 2011 — they have no children together. Stewart has a son from a previous relationship.

 

According to the divorce docs, obtained by TMZ, Kordell says the marriage is “irretrievably broken” … and claims the two are currently separated.

It seems Kordell also believes he shouldn’t have to pay Porsha a single cent in spousal support … claiming, “[She’s] an able-bodied person, earning income and is capable of supporting herself.”

Kordell also says there are no marital assets subject to division … which suggests there is a prenuptial agreement in play.

Taken from BallerAlert 

 

Lyrics Appreciation 101: Why Drake Is Different

By Posted on 50 3 m read

If’ you visit our sister site KarenCivil.com (shame on you if you don’t), then you’re totally familiar with J. Tinsley’s feature “Catalog Catch Up“. Every week J. dissects songs from different artists’ catalogs and analyzes everything from what was going on when the song was popular, to how some of them played key roles in his life personally. We’d like to adopt something similar to that here but more specific to lyrics and really getting to the root of some great bars and verses from your favorite artists.

Jumping right in, our first segment is focused on Mr. Aubrey Drake Graham. A controversial child of the game, Drake’s So Far Gone revolutionized the mixtape atmosphere and as we wrote about before, very literally changed the way new artists enter the game and old artists come back. I say controversial because for so long Hip-Hop fans were staunch purists. Love and similar emotions were taboo unless you approached it like the rapper Common and his metaphorical love story I Used To Love H. E. R. Or like the Lost Boyz track Renee  where Mr. Cheeks masterfully built a story about losing his girlfriend to a shooting and instead of tears for his shorty, he poured liquor in her memory. So while I can’t think of a time where Drake mentioned actually crying, he’s always been the underdog in the sense that since day one he…basically…hasn’t been afraid to love these hoes.

A particular lyric that I was discussing with some followers on twitter comes from his song Trust Issues which you can listen to below. As a bit of background, this song is an unreleased track from the Take Care era and starts out with him singing some lyrics from his hit with DJ Khaled, I’m On One. That being said, the line that always gets me is “Kick game, run game, run it real good. But never, ever have my bitches sittin courtside.” Interpreted, it’s addressing the fact that while he isn’t necessarily the most faithful, or at least not monogamously dating, he still has the respect (I know, I know…) and consideration for the women he’s seeing not to make them spectators in the games he plays. This wouldn’t be noteworthy for me if he went back to talking about all the chicks he was knockin down, and tour bus groupies etc., etc. But the context of the song is him pouring out his feelings about disappointments with fake supporters and most importantly the struggle he faces with attempting to enjoy his celebrity but wanting more and not being able to invest freely due to…Trust issues.

Most anybody else would say thug it out, if you’re gonna be a dog be a dog, or be a man and date for what you’re actually looking for. This is cool if it works for you, but for those of us that live in the real world and understand that emotions aren’t anywhere near that black and white, he’s speaking for us. If you’ve ever wanted to be with more than one person at the same time for different reasons, but didn’t want them to be with anyone else, Drake gets you. If you’ve ever felt yourself taking a chance when everything else said not to “Dedicating time when I really can’t afford to be…” (JulyDrake ft. Jhene Aiko) Drake understands. 

In a world full of “real niggas” Drake realized that there was more than kilos (that you may or may not have been moving) and big booty bitches to be real about. Human emotion and relationship complexities were severely under represented and Drake stepped in and made us feel spoken for. Job well done for the kid from Toronto, now if he could finally adjust to being famous we might get him to explore some MORE topics that I’m too thug to address on my own.

Live Civil!

15 Relationship Truths for Tough Times

By Posted on 64 5 m read

 

These 15 relationship truths may be a bit difficult to accept at times, but in the end, they will help you weed out the wrong relationships, make room for the right ones, and nurture the people who are most important to you.

  1. Some relationships will be blessings, others will serve as lessons. – Either way, never regret knowing someone.  Everyone you encounter teaches you something important.  Some people will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you; but most importantly some will bring out the best in you.
  2. When times get tough, some people will leave you. – When you are up in life, your friends get to know who you are.  When you are down in life, you get to know who your true friends are.  There will be lots of people around when times are easy, but take note of who remains in your life when times get tough, especially the people who sacrifice the resources they have in their life to help you improve yours when you need it most. These people are your real friends.
  3. Life is full of fake people. – Sometimes the person you’d take a bullet for ends up being the one behind the gun.  It’s so easy to believe someonewhen they TELL you exactly what you want to hear.  But when a person SHOWS you who they really are, believe them the first time.  Some people are only nice for their own convenience – the type of people who only call when they need something or come around when it’s beneficial to them.  Not everyone has your best interests at heart.  But sometimes you have to be tricked and mislead by the wrong lovers and friends once or twice in your life in order to find and appreciate your soul mate and real friendswhen they arrive.
  4. People can easily be insincere with their words.  – When someone truly loves you, they don’t have to say a word.  You will be able to tell simply by the way they treat you over the long-term.  Remember, actions speak much louder than words.  A person can say sorry a thousand times, and say “I love you” as much as they want.  But if they’re not going to prove that the things they say are true, then they’re not worth listening to.  Because if they can’t show it, their words are not sincere.
  5. The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. – Don’t settle to just be someone’s downtime, spare time, part time, or sometime.  If they can’t be there for you all of the time, especially when you need them most, then they’re not worth your time.  ReadCodependent No More.
  6. Harsh words can hurt a person more than physical pain. – Taste your own words before you spit them out.  Words hurt and scar more than you think, so THINK before you speak.  And remember, what you say about others also says a whole lot about YOU.
  7. A mistake is an accident.  Cheating and lying are not mistakes.– They are intentional choices.  Stop hiding behind the words “mistake” and “sorry” and stop putting up with those who do.
  8. Excessive jealousy doesn’t tell someone how much you love them. – It tells them how much you dislike yourself.  And no amount of love, or promises, or proof from them will ever be enough to make you feel better.  For those broken pieces you carry, are pieces you must mend for yourself.  Happiness is an inside job.
  9. When people get nasty with you, it’s usually best to walk away.– When someone treats you like dirt, don’t pay attention and don’t take it personally.  They’re saying nothing about you and a lot about themselves.  And no matter what they do or say, never drop down to their level and sling dirt back.  Just know you’re better than that and walk away.
  10. People will treat you the way you let them treat you. – You can’t control them, but you can control what you tolerate.  Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negative people.  Doing so does not mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself.  ReadBoundaries.
  11. One of the most difficult tasks in life is removing someone from your heart. – But remember, no relationship is a waste of time.  The wrong ones teach you the lessons that prepare you for the right ones.
  12. Resentment hurts you, not them. – Whisper a small prayer of gratitude for the people who have stuck by your side, and send a prayer of good will for those who didn’t.  For should these people hear your prayers, those who have been there will know how much you appreciate them, and those who left will know that you appreciate your own happiness enough to not let resentment destroy your capacity to live with a compassionate heart.
  13. Silence and a half smile can hide a lot of pain from the world. – Pay close attention to those you care about.  Sometimes when a friend says, “I’m okay,” they need you to look them in the eyes, hug them tight, and reply, “I know you’re not.”
  14. True love comes when manipulation stops. – True love comes when you care more about who the other person really is than about who you think they should become, when you dare to reveal yourself honestly, and when you dare to be open and vulnerable.  It takes two to create a sincere environment where this is possible.  If you haven’t found true love yet, don’t settle.  There is someone out there who will share true love with you, even if it’s not the person you were initially hoping for.  Read The 5 Love Languages.
  15. Even the best relationships don’t last forever. – Nobody gets through life without losing someone they love, someone they need, or something they thought was meant to be.  People don’t live forever.  Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you.  You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you.  And remember, just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.

 

Source

Has Marriage Been Compromised?

Marriage used to be the foundational glue for society. Men and women alike used to strive for marriage with the perfect counterpart so they could live and build together. But in recent years marriage has had a mockery made of it thanks to people jumping the gun and just accepting anyone who’d give them a ring.

When I was younger I remember asking my parents how’d they keep a happy marriage for so long and her reply was always “love,honesty,trust and prayer”. In today’s society it seems as if most marriages are based off someone else’s success or a publicity stunt. It’s almost as if all the things that were once sacred in a marriage are now exploited and used to draw attention to the relationship.

Women at one point wanted to be married so they could be a great wife and showcase that they can be great inside a relationship for the long run. Recently I asked a female what means more to her the marriage being successful or having a great wedding her reply shocked and saddened me “A great wedding will give me a reason to always look back and see that the wedding went good so we can’t be wrong for long”… I remember just shaking my head. Are we at the point where we value the ceremony more than the actual relationship? Are we more focused on the publics perception of our relationship more than how we view a relationship that WE ARE in.

And men have played a role in the deterioration of how marriage is seen and treated. We have so many boys posing as men that women can’t see what’s good and what’s bad with them. They play on women and take advantage of their wants of being a wife and use that as their base for the relationship.

Or have people over valued marriage? Is marriage defined by your ring? Or is it valued by what you bring and your partner can build upon?

31 Ways To Know You’re In The Right Relationship

By Posted on 60 8 m read

 

As anyone living in the age of depressing divorce rates knows, a happy long-term couple is almost like a unicorn: If by some miracle you encounter it, you can’t stop staring, and you have a feeling no one will ever believe you when you tell them you saw it.

The Internet is filled with articles on how to decide when to end it, how to recognize when your relationship is toxic, codependent, one-sided, stagnant, asexual, manipulative. But we don’t talk all that often about what defines a happy relationship. Picture it: You’re dating someone new. You’re waiting to feel the toxic stagnant codependency. Where is it? Months go by. Still nothing. At some point a corner of your brain dares register the thought: Could this be one of those? Could I actually be happy?

To help you answer that question, you lucky thing, here’s a completely unscientific list of 31 ways to know you’re in the right relationship:
You don’t…

1. Fear it.

If you’re afraid of commitment, best to work that out before you put yourself in a situation where it’s hoped you’ll eventually commit.

2. Hide anything more significant than a surprise party from each other.

That includes exes, cheating, debt, STDs, chronic illness, felonies, whether you want a marriage and/or children, genetic abnormalities (if you both want kids), a strong desire to live somewhere else, professional failures and successes, doubts about your sexual orientation, a strong preference for un-vanilla sex.

The truth will come out, and if you’re with someone you feel the need to conceal any of this from, he or she probably isn’t right.

3. Snoop.

If no one’s hiding anything, why are you looking? Going through your significant other’s email, phone, Facebook account, or journal strongly indicates that you don’t trust the person you’re with. You’re also violating his or her trust in you.

4. Hide the relationship from other people in your life.

If you’re unwilling to introduce the person you’re dating at appropriate junctures to the most important people in your life, that’s usually a bright, flapping red flag.

In general, if you have a good thing going, you can’t wait for him or her to meet your friends, siblings, parents, the guy at the deli, and you wouldn’t have any qualms about presenting this person to professional acquaintances, people you knew in college, family friends, even your ex.

5. Think you’re superior.

If you feel that your significant other is your inferior in any way you know matters to you in a mate — morally, intellectually, socially, financially or professionally — you’re never going to respect him or her as much as you hope to be respected.

The best relationships make you feel that you’ve convinced a person more exceptional than you to love you.

6. Resent the other person’s success.

Professional jealousy can be as poisonous to a relationship as constantly thinking he or she is flirting with your best friend. It also suggests that you’re spending a lot of time comparing yourself to a person you supposedly adore, rather than sitting back and marveling at how amazing he or she is. In a good relationship, you quit (or refuse to ever engage in) the one-upmanship.

7. Let any substance or behavior come before the relationship.

Any addict or over-user of a substance or behavior is cheating on you with his or her drug of choice. You deserve more.

8. Stew.

When something the other person does annoys you or turns you off, you don’t push it to the back of your mind and hope it will go away, because it won’t. You bring it up in the moment or sometime in the next 24 hours.

9. Damage property, animals, children or each other during an argument.

You think this goes without saying until you read something like this New York Times“Modern Love” and realize that human beings can rationalize staying with someone who leaves holes in their walls.

On the other hand, if you damage a vase or two in the heat of a different kind of passion, totally fine.

10. Challenge each other on personal issues in front of other people.

You know which conversations you shouldn’t be having at brunch with friends.

11. Depend on each other for things no one can or should supply.

If you’re looking to your significant other to resolve your emotional issues, make you more responsible/successful/adult, support you financially, improve your social standing, expand your group of friends, provide you with the family you never had, or make your parents finally accept you, it’s possible you shouldn’t be in a relationship at all, or at least not yet.

12. Begrudge each other time with your respective friends.

You can’t be everything to your significant other, and why would you want to be? Sounds exhausting. Friends enrich your life, will accompany you to do things that your significant other may not enjoy, and keep you from getting tired of the person you’re seeing.

Besides, if the relationship doesn’t work out, those friends going to be the ones coming over to your house, dragging you out of bed and helping you rejoin humanity. Be good to them.

13. Lose Yourself

This is easier said than done, especially when the relationship is going really well. As tempting as it is to never leave the house (maybe never leave the bed), you keep doing the work, exercise, volunteering, socializing, networking, and daughtering you were doing before. Remember, these things made you the person Your Person fell in love with. They’re part of you. Don’t give them up for anyone. You can’t afford it.

14. Have a secret plan B.

If you’re where you need to be, the following thoughts don’t cross your mind: “Maybe he’ll dump me,” or “If my ex moves back from Mongolia, everything could change.”

15. Have much drama.

You know the cliche: The person worth your tears won’t make you cry. Usually.

You do…

16. Put it all on the line.

If you’re not risking having your heart broken, you’re not doing it right.

17. Respect the people he or she is closest to.

You don’t have to love them, but you should think they are honest and moral and have integrity. Want to know you’re with a good person? Look to the people he or she thinks are good people.

18. Inspire each other to be better.

A good relationship is galvanizing, not in the oh-my-god-I-met-this-amazing-person-I’d-better-hurry-up-and-fix-myself sense (thought there’s probably a little of that when you first start seeing anyone amazing) but in the way that knowing someone else believes in you makes you believe in yourself that much more. You want to prove yourself worthy of his or her confidence.

19. Humble yourselves.

You know you can’t hide your flaws for long, so you don’t try. You recognize that this person is going to have to take you as you are, as foolish or charitable (or both) as that may seem to make him or her. You know you’re both going to mess up endless times and have to apologize and be forgiven and forgive. You’ll wonder if one of the bigger mistakes is the one that will end it, and you’ll have to prove to one another that the relationship transcends that. You recognize that you signed up for all of this.

20. Talk about sex.

Most couples don’t instinctively know all of the ways to please each other. You have to talk about — or at least show — what you want. If you don’t know what you want, you need to figure that out, STAT (step 1? Get thee to Babeland). And after you have talked about it, you do it. Better.

21. Talk about the rest.

The same things you’re not supposed to talk about on a blind date — religion, money, politics, kids — are things you should discuss with someone you’re serious about. What? You just remembered that thing you need to do? Get back here. No one said this was going to be painless. They said it was going to be hard and awesome.

22. Fight.

If you agree on everything, someone’s not telling the truth. See #2 and #8.

23. Have times when you don’t talk.

Not because you’re angry with each other but because you can be quiet together. When you find yourself with silences you don’t need to fill, when you find you can just walk along or lie about or work side by side and feel together without needing to verbally affirm that, you’ve got a good thing going.

24. Have object permanence.

Child psychologist Jean Piaget theorized that when babies get to be 8 or 9 months old, they begin to develop “object permanence,” the idea that an object doesn’t vanish when they can no longer see it.

In a good adult relationship, you know that you can go out into the world and do your thing, and the bond you’ve formed with the person you care about will be there when you get back.

This is also known as trust.

25. Take care of your body.

You know that you won’t enjoy sharing it with someone else if you don’t like, respect, and nurture it. Your partner feels the same way.

26. Divide and conquer.

You’re not identical, thank god, which probably means you have certain strengths and he or she has others. Someone is more organized, someone is more outgoing, someone is a born listener. Someone is better with money, someone is more creative. Someone is more adventurous in bed.

If you each play to your strengths, you in all likelihood remember a gift (possibly an inspired one), your home(s) look(s) great, the bills get paid on time, sex is endlessly fun, and you leave everyone at the party thoroughly charmed.

27. Remember to look at each other across the room.

There’s nothing more reassuring (or sexier) than glancing up from the interminable conversation with your eighth cousin or the head of operations or the report you can’t seem to finish and locking eyes with Your Person and remembering that by some quantity of luck neither of you may deserve, you found each other.

28. Observe.

You notice when the other person is about to lose it, needs to leave even if you’ve been there only 20 minutes, is talking to someone he or she can’t stand, did something he or she feels guilty about, is silently berating himself or herself, is ruminating over the thing his or her boss said, is about to spend an insane amount of money, and best of all, about to crack up in a situation where he or she shouldn’t. You pay attention because you care, and because that’s the good stuff.

29. Make time.

You realize that if this is it, one of you is going to be around some distant day in the future to lose the other. In that moment, you will not regret not checking your email in this one.

30. Occasionally get over yourself and your cynicism and fear of cliche and do something deeply, unapologetically romantic.

You send the flowers, have the book signed by the author, request the song, write the note, have the damned thing (tastefully) engraved. You call the other person and tell him or her that specific thing he or she did this morning that made you fall that much more in love. When you’re not expecting it, he or she dares to say, even though we all know there are no guarantees ever, “When we’re X age, want to Y?”

31. Just know.

Reader, marry that.

 

 

 

Taken from the HuffingtonPost